music to share

thanks again jan and katy, i had a lot of fun and you guys did a great job. thanks to berit for bringing awesome sweets.


 An offer i would like to make to all alumni, i have a large library of music which i am happy to share. it has taken many years to collect and i can get you almost any music you request including specific concerts, lots of comedians, all for free!  i also have audio c.d.'s to learn languages. make your request, send your street address and i will grant your wish. rj

Some of my thoughts on Timberhill

Eric reading your post made me consider how brave you are to really speak your mind about the good the bad and everything else that happened at Timberhill. It was a mixed bag for many of us yet still an experience I am glad I was part of.

I was not there the year that the school fell apart which probably was fortunate for me because before coming to Timberhill I had to deal with a father whose middle name was infidelity and did not treat my mother very well. I also had a stranger who was older than I was prey on me when I was 14 & traveling with my family in Italy right after my mother died.

Healthy boundaries between adults and children or teens are of course extremely important. Unfortunately we live in an imperfect world where adults that should be there to love & protect us are not always there for us and are sometimes bring us emotional pain.

There was some adult student boundary crossing going on even in the second year at Timberhill when I attended. It did not include to either Joan or Barry and should never have happened but it did.

Many of us badly needed a safe place to go to after coming from dysfunctional homes. I know I did but I guess what I am trying to say is the world is an imperfect place. I am not trying to diminish anyone feelings about what happened just observing that the world is that way at times. Nor do I think we need to look at our experiences at Timberhill in only a positive light because the glass does not have to be looked at as half full when it was not for all of us all the time.

I was lonely & lost shy when I first came to Timberhill. I probably was lonely and lost at times even after I had been there awhile. I never felt accepted by the girls my age and always felt like the new person that did not belong because I was not there the first year. I might not have seemed like it but I was very shy and dealing with a lot of emotional pain at the time.

I had to leave home because my mother had passed away and my father was verbally abusive and sometimes hit me. Living at Timberhill was not always easy for me. I was a picky eater use to drinking soda (ugh) with lunch and dinner and use to eating already sliced bread out of a package. Homemade bread I am sure is healthier for you but to me it just did not look normal. I was use to the junk food I grew up on. Showering not often due to a lack of water was difficult for me and living in a little wooden hovel was never comfortable for me either. No offensive to anyone that built the duplex I lived it but it was super tiny & cold unless one made a fire and just not comfortable at all. On the plus side I learned to make a blazing fire and chop wood.

Anyway Timberhill did have lots of pluses for me. I did find some friends I could relate to. My friends at Timberhill changed with the seasons. Timberhill kept me safe from my father though I went home often sometimes even hitch hiking all the way back up to school after lying to my father and pretending I had a ride back to school. Getting stuck on the road to school was scary.

I always had an appreciation for nature but Timberhill gave me an even deeper appreciation for nature. No wonder I prefer to live in rural areas.

I also did not know what to expect before the reunion and was wondering if there would be people there I could relate to or if I would end up sitting alone the whole time while watching everyone else relate. I was pleasantly surprised that most people seemed very friendly and open with each other. It was truly wonderful & also healing for me to see everyone again. I felt closer to some people than I ever had at school now that we had grown up and others I felt further away from.

I just finished a short story by an East Indian writer. Basically it was about an Indian woman who was raised in India to be the perfect submissive traditional wife coming to grips with a failed marriage while dealing with life in the Bay Area. The book is called Arranged Marriage.

She mentioned in the last short story in the book how one famous potter use to make a small snag on the lip of his pots for his signature believing that by leaving a flaw in his pots it made them more human and more precious.

Anyway I just wanted to say it was great connecting with all of you again. I do think we are all part of a special tribe. Yes an imperfect tribe for sure and some of us had some imperfect experiences at Timberhill meaning good and bad but still some incredible experiences and life is never perfect and Leave It To Beaver like unfortunately. Thank God I was not stuck in public school for 4 years because I was dying there and just getting high every day. You are all precious to me and it was a gift to reconnect with many of you.   

Marjorie

Thank you

Thank you Rick.

Thank you for the Timberhill Blog and for a place to stay for Timberhill travelers.

Eric's daughter's photos from Facebook

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.220587527981114.60726.100000896063806

Click on the link.

mendocino inn

well i too am gunna did throw my hat in the ring as a place to stay or visit along hiway one if anyone is passing through mendocino village. be forewarned, my dobermans are very needy for attention. btw, damien says hi to everyone.

Dion's Youtube Channel

Dion's Youtube Channel [others people's works]
www.youtube.com/user/mdionysos

Reunion reflection

Not sure what to expect, I was feeling both excited and a little nervous about the reunion through last week as it got closer. I could sense a lot of emotions begin to surface that seemed both familiar and strange. Would I know these people I had such a unique experience with so long ago? Who was I then? Did I really want to revisit parts of myself that I had grown out of as I grew up? There was a mix of anticipation at the possibility of feeling some of the connectedness and belonging I remembered from Timberhill, and the fear of re-experiencing the pain and isolation I often felt as an adolescent. Having kept in contact with a fair number of Timberhillians, eased me into the process, but I knew that seeing all of us together would evoke a lot of mixed emotions.

Going out to Stump beach with Bill and Thom Friday afternoon and talking about Timberhill and our lives helped me get grounded in the place of Timberhill- the earth and sea and wind and rocks and trees- the land that for me holds all the memories and energy of our time there. When we arrived at the campground and I started to meet all of you who were there, I realized that I though knew most of you on some deep body memory level that came from our common experience, I didn’t really know who you were as people. So much of my experience at 14-17 was about my needs for acceptance, and to be seen and loved even though I felt defective inside. I was not able to really show myself or see others very well. I have learned in my life since Timberhill that vulnerability is required for intimacy- you have to be strong enough to expose your weaknesses to allow others to see who you are. To see others you also have to have enough inner resiliency to allow them their vulnerabilities without feeling threatened. I did not have those capacities back then, and like most of us, I thought everyone else had it together, so I tried to fake it.

What I learned this weekend was both how vulnerable most of us we were then and yet how much the undercurrent of family and place and possibility nurtured us. At Timberhill I did not know most of your family histories or what baggage you were carrying; I was too focused on not showing mine. This weekend I began to see and hear that many of us came to Timberhill with a damaged sense of family and identity on top of normal adolescent struggles with those areas. I had many conversations about memories of different people and experiences, and a strong theme began to emerge. For many of us, Timberhill was a refuge; a place to try to find ourselves, space to create and heal injuries we did not even know we carried. As many people expressed on Saturday, Timberhill became a true family for them.

Like many families, mine went through a very difficult period; my parents divorced when I was seven, and I lived with an abusive stepfather for a couple years. The most damaging part of this for me was that it was never talked about for years afterwards. It was treated as if it didn’t exist, as if my experience of it had not really happened. In various conversations about the way Timberhill ended, I began to see that we had recapitulated my family experience and I assume the experiences of many of you. As a group we have not really ever processed the betrayal that many of us felt and still feel about the sudden loss of our new family/community. I have rationalized my deep feelings of loss over the years, but they have not healed. Mary commented last night at the dinner that a lot of healing was going on, and I agree with her, but I think it is only a start. We have the possibility to carry it further and perhaps even bring in others who may carry too much shame about what happened to face it. Dion expressed the importance of forgiveness for human mistakes and again I agree, but only after an acknowledgement of the loss we experienced.

Though I had and still have deep respect and love for and both Barry and Joan, the collapse of boundaries between students and faculty, and the subsequent collapse of the school/community devastated me more than I knew at the time. I felt betrayed by those I trusted most to lead us. It took me a long time to trust any authority figures what happened. In sharing this I do not feel bitter or want to blame, but rather to carry forward all the lost opportunity for experience I regained last weekend. I believe that both Barry and Joan would have supported that process. I have made the same attempt with my biological family and in doing so came to see my parents’ mistakes as understandable human failures rather than personal betrayals.

As an adult with much more life experience, I more fully understand what freedom evokes and how difficult it can be to maintain consciousness and integrity in the face of desire. At 15, it was just confusing to see adults behaving as they did. After conversations last weekend that brought back more memories, I understood why I left Timberhill with a belief that relationships were dangerous; that I would either hurt or be hurt. Almost all the adult figures that came to Timberhill in relationships, whether younger or older, seemed at some point to abandon their partners or be abandoned by them. The relationship dramas among the adults felt like they overshadowed the students’ issues. This felt like a replay of what I came to Timberhill to get away from. I needed to have a place where the children (that’s what we were even though we didn’t think so) were the primary focus. A place where we could explore without worrying that the world was about to fall apart. That’s what it felt like in the beginning and I believe it was Barry and Joan’s vision.

In a way it feels like the taste of that possibility made the loss harder to bear. Some of us were there for just a little while, some for all of it, but it seems like we all just went on to the next part of our lives without a chance to really reflect on the impact it had. I always sensed deep down that something unique and profound had happened to me there, but I couldn’t really articulate it. I told stories about it to all my friends. I had recurring dreams that I went back as an adult and it was still there; different people but still alive as a community. I am so appreciative of having the opportunity now to connect with all of you and try to make sense of my old experiences.

I think the strongest feeling I came away with from last weekend, was that Timberhill still lives in us. We are the only members of the tribe that existed for such a short time. My real sadness is that it did not live on beyond us to grow into its potential.

Deep thanks to Jan and Katy for the inspiration and effort, and to all of you who were willing to do this. Audrey, thank you so much for being willing to open up what must be some difficult feelings, and at the same time to carry the weight of your parents for us. I loved it when you said you were feeling like a 13 year old – I’ve been in and out of that state for 3 days now. I know this is really long and kind of stream of consciousness, but I hope it makes some sense to everyone. I would live to hear other people’s reactions to the reunion, and / or responses to this.

Love,

Eric

Place to stay if you have need while traveling in the Bay Area

If traveling any Timberhillian is welcome to stay at my place in Orinda California. Orinda is a five minute BART ride east of Oakland [Orinda between SF East Bay and Walnut Creek]. All welcome to just contact me to say hi from afar or in person when passing through or if need of a pit stop while traveling including if traveling with Timberhill family members. I have many sleeping spots and bath towels at my home. 510-619-6088 [24 Hour Cell] mdionysos@gmail.com

Though my parents and their ancestors were peasants in Europe [Polish Jews and Greeks] and they practiced the 'Law of Hospitality' - in this case of my opening my home to all traveling Timberhillians [and to many other friends and strangers] - in this case this is not a law - this is the anarchist practice of true 'free love' [you can substitute Buddhist or Christian or the word of your choice for Anarchist if you wish - I have a button that says "Jesus Was A Liberal" but I believe Jesus was a true Anarchist]. 'Loving' someone for getting sex or other payoffs in return is easy - loving someone and maybe not liking some things about them and not wanting anything for myself or not necessarily getting anything in return is true love and it is freeing for the one that is giving and benefits the one giving as much as the one receiving. These are some of the many things I have learned from Timberhill and I am still trying to learn better to actually practice this unconditional love in this imperfect and conditional world with my own conditions of imperfect love for myself, you and others. Still the most sacred words in any language if done with true actions - the most sacred words are three words that were not ever said to me all my life till I was 40 years old [and since then these words were said to me only three times and we did not trust our own actions but I was grateful for being touched with this even if briefly] - these three words I now say and breathe to you are: I love you.

"all dawgs have to be on a leash!"

irit levy

peter weyhausen (sp?)

JAKE

anyone wanna take a drive with me down the switchback?

remember cindy organ?

now and then

dion

I was really happy I made it to the reunion!

I had a wonderful time. It was fantastic to see everyone again. It was obvious to all that Jan & Katy poured a ton of love into arranging & planning such a fabulous & special reunion. Thank you!!!! Lucy's flowers were gorgeous too. I am was thrilled to finally receive a High School diploma as well. 


I had trouble at first recognizing everyone and keeping people's names straight. Please forgive me anyone if I got your name wrong or did not recognize you right away. 


I was wondering if any of you like to write? I thought it would be fun to do a fictional book of short stories very loosely based on Timberhill to include no real names or people just fictional characters. Anyone alumni interested could write a short story to be included the book. 


Anyway I thought I would just toss the idea out there and see if anyone else wanted to write a short story and do a book too. If say 5 or more people were interested we could do it. 


Buckets of love to all those who attended and to those who could not make it as well. 


Marjorie 

betsy & matt

"matt, stop licking my hand!"

round & round with my circle of friends

I have to write now so i can lay my head on the pillow tonight without all these thoughts going round and round in my head. i barely remember driving home cuz i was flooded with memories and emotions like a rollercoaster in outer space.

 o.k. o.k. i admit it. so i cried like a little bitch on the way home. but it wasn't about what one might think, especially after having to part ways once again was sad enough. i was poised to stand up and speak after the dinner but when audrey spoke and I started thinking about barry and joan, i knew i wouldn't make it through without breaking down. but this morning i managed a brief chat with audrey and that chat is what came back to me on the way home.

 I had an epiphany that barry and joan meant so much more to me that hadn't come clear until now. unlike my father and mother, i knew, and could feel that barry & joan really cared about me even under their overwhelming circumstances. i looked up to barry like a father and respected him for his sincerity & straight talk. I know they both cared about everyone at school and were truly warm-hearted people.
i realized then that i really miss them and i can now see how much they were missed at our reunion. If not for them, I would not have met all of you. Which brings me to all of you. at the campsite i stood back for a moment and looked at all of you as a group and your families and thought you are such a great bunch of people, how lucky i was to have been part of the family!

what i was going to say at the dinner is that after 35 years of meeting new people and making new friends along the way, i have yet to make the kind of friendships that were as real, as intense, and as fun as with all of you. when i say i hope to see you all again soon, i really mean it. please don't make me wait another 35 years. love rj